Blips and Quips

Ty and I went shopping last night at Dillards for Trina's bridal shower. Well, I didn't really take part in the actual shopping effort, but I did notice how bored I got waiting for Tyrel to pick something out. I was so bored, I felt like I was driving to blanding.

It boggles my mind how a female can have an entire list filled with options--filled with options already selected by the intended reciever, and still not be able to select a gift under an hour. Yet, if I were to comment and suggest any possible time-saving techniques, any number of minuete-crunching solutions I would simply be rubbed off as a person who "doesn't understand." But thats just it. That's one thing I do understand, as does every man on this planet, the variable that makes the most sense: Pick the cheapest thing in least walking distance away. Its a simple matter of deduction and practicality. How could you "not understand?"

Either way, there I was, bidding my time with the kind of foolish stupor only acheived when put in place by a woman on a mission. I decided to make my self as useful as a useless husband could by juggling any three objects relativley of the same size and weight. At first, I tackled those cashier-close, mushy, stress-releif balls. But Oh, how easy. Why must I even bother? I needed something more challenging, something with bit more umph. It was then when I spotted them: those muted-toned rooster-shaped porcelein container lids. Not as heavy as they look I said while grasping the goldish one. This will be cake. You know that moment when you absolutley know you shouldn't do what your about to but know your going to anyway-- mine was beautiful. A little internal argument, bashed by that thread of male stupidity-the one that will do anything to prove itself through.

I started off well. The first toss is always the hardest, but once that's down, it's just a simple matter of rthymn. Infact the first effort began and ended with zero casaulties. But why stop while you're ahead, right?

Suddenly I got this freaky feeling, like someone was watching me. I slowly turned to the right and sure enough, there he was, just a staring. Ugly too. The kind of face that makes you instantly close your eyes, hoping to wake up at any moment. I can't tell you how truly horrifying it was when I discoverd the face was my own. But thats when the brilliant idea hit me. sure I can juggle looking directly at the objects, but what If I juggled while looking at the reflection of my objects, truly a feat. And so it began.

Like I said the first toss is crucial. So if the first toss causes two cocks to smash face to face, well, then that would ruin the whole thing. And believe me it did. Oddly enough, nobody heard. The two little unattached beaks could quickly and quietly be kicked under a display case and the lids positioned heads-away.

I learned my lesson. Next time it will be geese.