But I Don't Watch Rated R's

Those who know me, know I love film. They (people who know me) know I not only love to watch movies, but love to discuss them. They (people who know me) seem to like to talk to me about movies as well; and they (people who know me) like to tell me which films they liked and which ones they (people who know me) think I should see. I think people who know me don't know me well enough. Often times, when I'm recommended a film, I either go right out and see it or put it on my Netflix queue. I generally assume that someone is recommending the film for reasons I will understand only after seeing the film. And until I do I'm not at liberty to comment on the film or give reasons why it could suck or offend me. If someone recommended a movie and I said 'But I don't watch stupid movies,' I would be suggesting that I am smarter and more refined then them and am only attracted to things of my significantly higher standards. This immediately puts a wedge between us and implies that I am better than you.

Growing up LDS (Mormon) is terribly confusing. There is a paradox, unbeknownst to many, of immense duality that exists within the consciousness of the highly religious sort. That is: Righteousness vs. ego. As many of you know, ego is disguised as self. It makes you think that it is you. It wants you to think that you are it. While growing up I was constantly told that I am part of a chosen religion and therefore am special. I was also told that my righteousness would define me. As a child who's already, on certain levels, being guided by ego, especially in a society of one-upper peers; I began to allow my ego to use righteousness to stroke itself, and put me above others I felt were unrighteous. Not only that, but I began to despise those who I felt were either more righteous than me or, for that matter, more anything than me. Doing this created enemies; people I was subconsciously threatened by. High school was sort of a battle ground for clashing ego's; the catalysts being youth and vulnerability. Author Deepak Chopra, M.D. in the following video says "there is no such thing as an external enemy, no matter what that voice in your head is telling you. All perception of an enemy is a projection of the ego as the enemy."



Growing up LDS also led me to believe in a spirit, something that existed before earth life and will continue to exist after. The spirit and ego are at war. The ego intends to claim us, and to counterfeit spirituality as itself. The spirit intends to salvage what it can and lead us to experiences that will help us shed as much of the ego as we can through choices. Proclamations of righteousness, in attempt to showcase our level of spirituality are manifestations of the ego disguised as the spiritual self. Confusing, right?

Recently I had a friend tell me he was terribly interested in being part of my March Madness office pool. In fact, after a mass email, he was the first to get back to me and offer his interests. I met him at his office in town and gave him a sheet detailing the point system and rules that we used. He was enthusiastic and continued to detail his interest. He even said there were several people at his office that also might be interested. I was pumped. I love talking sports and love March Madness. We had sort of a bonding experience.

A few days later I texted him to let him know I needed the brackets and money (we do 5$ a bracket). He texted me back and told me he was not going to participate this year. Being close friends, I decided to call him and find out why. I could certainly help him if it was a money or time problem. He told me it was because he didn't feel good about it morally, and that gambling was wrong. He kept saying that it was nothing against me and for me not to be mad. 'Not to be mad?' Why would I be mad I asked. He told me because he was choosing the right.

At that moment, I felt inferior to my friend. I felt like he was saying I am better than you. And not only that, but the fact that he assumed that him choosing the right would in effect, make me mad. I know his intentions were not to hurt my feelings or to come across condescendingly, but then again, ego is hardly an intention. The ego companioned with self-righteousness is an ugly creature. It minimalizes all of our actions and poses itself as a beacon or example of goodness. I mean, have you ever wondered what is it that compells us/some of us to detail and pinpoint our righteous decisions to others. Did you think it was integrity?

Righteousness without ego on the other hand is rare in the Mormon culture. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Please remember I'm only differentiating the LDS culture from others simply because it is mine. But ego is no different anywhere else. It is what makes us human after all. It is what limits us and what protects us. It causes us to feel fear and is what eventually will destroy us. Self-righteousness or overt attempts to proclaim one's spiritual stance is the ego projecting itself as righteousness. The truly humble don't know and think about their humility, nor do they carry it as a banner for all to see.

Back to the movies.

Telling me you aren't going to watch a recommendation because you don't watch R's is no different than me telling you I'm not going to watch your recommendation because it's stupid. You are not taking a religious stand nor showing me how righteous you are. You are simply stroking your ego. Proclamations of righteousness, in attempt to showcase your level of spirituality, are manifestations of the ego disguised as the spiritual self.

I've come to realize that people who emphasize they don't watch rated R's because religious leaders told them not to, but in contrast watch every and any pg-13 film that comes their way, regardless of content, aren't avoiding R's because of content but simply because the film was rated R.

This my friends is the ego's way--it will always disguise itself as self and continue to make you feel your righteousness proclamations are needed and necessary for others to know. It’s no different than it fooling me into believing others need to read this.